Before introducing my narrative, I would like to establish a foundation of what my intentions are for this blog and hopefully set your expectations at a position that will result in mutual satisfaction. A lot of my writings will include stories from my life these past nineteen years, however, my goal is not to educate you on my story with the hopes of affirmation. Instead, I hope to tie prior events with present and future situations and describe how personal truths I have learned provided insight into my childhood and shaped my passions and interests for future endeavors. Also, I have no expectation that this will attract a large audience, if any. I am not trying to give out any advice or advocate for others to follow my steps, instead I hope that by following my thought process, that you will start to analyze your own experiences to find the truths unique to you. I am still actively working to improve myself everyday, and definitely have not discovered the secret of happiness. I have always been an avid personal journalist, meaning I actively document my life and thoughts in a private notebook. Although personal journalling has provided me an outlet for expression and a sense of control through the framing of my experiences, I am also highly value interpersonal conversation. I think people are extremely intriguing and believe that humanity's number one source of information and support is others. I take every chance I can to instigate conversations and enjoy when some sort of encouragement and guidance is exchanged. However, I have been plagued with disappointment regarding the lack of opportunity to engage in these interactions. This is purely due to time and responsibility constraints.
We live in a culture that strongly advocates for busy lifestyles and crowded schedules. My generation has been conditioned to believe that "if you're not doing something, then you're doing something wrong". I, personally, believe this statement is neither true or false. I would argue that it is only a fragment of the truth and rephrase it as "if you're not doing something that is improving you or others, then you're doing something wrong". One thing I know for a fact is that there are activities you can act on that hold absolutely no intrinsic or instrumental value. You can be so engrossed in the constant movement of life, but completely miss the mark you were supposed to reach. Even professors agree that course work for education purposes can be "busy-work" and not necessary for success.
The struggle with life is that it can be quite difficult to distinguish unnecessary work from purposeful work. I became aware of this principle at the end of high school after going on three service trips: two to South Africa and one to India. I was exposed to completely new realities and had my world view shaken to the core. Being a young adult naturally comes with it's attitudes and complications, however these trips pushed me out of the immaturity of ignorance and threw me into a life of curiosity, understanding, and ambition. We as humans have been trained to strive for the perfection of "happiness", but one of the impactful realizations gained from those trips is that this idealist "happiness" does not exist. We have fabricated a fake finish line and caused a negative decrease in life satisfaction. I will dive deeper into my experiences on those trips and how they impacted present-day me in a later article.
I have come to the conclusion that this realization does not solve all problems, for a new challenge is waiting round the corner. Once you have mastered the art of compartmentalization, you are introduced to a new set of struggles. The first I endured was the necessity to juggle multiple important priorities which become a harsher requirement as I aged. As I began to compartmentalize my priorities and filter my thoughts, my schedule and my mind became available and prepared for new information and outside stimuli. Even though there was no change in my schedule, I felt exponentially less busy and excited to take on extra projects. A shift in my life occurred in the winter of 2018. I solidified the current appropriate process regarding school and work, I started a fresh and healthy walk with Christ and am embarking on a new spiritual journey, and I invested myself in a relationship that has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. I mark this as my awakening.
